ShavuotLIVE 2026: Quote-Board

“I’m…a sherpa?”

“Ceci n’est pas une pipe. Ceci n’est pas une pomme.”

“Big Wittgenstein energy here!”

“Words don’t only matter, they ARE matter.”

“Wittgenstein, the OG patrilineal bisexual Jew we all need in our lives.”

“A rich Jewish tradition is taking quotes out of context.”

“the hyperactive chat feels like the ADHD accomodation we need and deserve.”

“We need a nu? emoji”

“To love another person is to see the face of G!d.”

“I am God’s chiropractor.”

“I stop looking at the chat for 5 minutes and now the yassification of God is happening over here, I luv it”

“This chat stream is better than taking stimulants.”

“Yassachusetts”

“Shavuot – because Yah shoves you out of Egypt”

“Talking about wordplay... in portuguese, Torah sounds a lot like "tora" which is a slang for dick loooool”

“a reb is never late nor are they early…”

“since creation was done by speaking, was it speaking in tongs?”

“I am Butt-dust and ashes”

“g-d doesn't need linear time... linear time is for squares... planar time is for squares?... spiralinear time is for scrolls!”

“Alef complained…what a Jewish thing to do!”

“Aleph be like…‘Bet.’”

“Could be worse. Could be lighting candles in utero.”

“if "erev rav" is the mixed multitude that went out of Mitzrayim together, then "shalom rav" is blessing for everyone, all the diversity of people, and asserts that only in the wholeness of diversity is there true peace.”

“Rav means a lot, and rav also means rabbi, so ergo…rabbis are a lot.”

“If this is the biblical Adam, then ‘don’t bite’ takes on a whole new meaning.”

“This mew is Torah.”

“Kabbalah gives a vehicle for the yearning of the human soul.”

“Kabbalah is people looking at a fucked-up universe and going…‘why?’”

“Greeting the pizza is a euphemism for greeting the Shabbat bride.”

“Waffle House is a midrash.”

“Jews are not here to serve Judaism. Judaism is here to serve Jews. Humanity is not here to serve God, God is here to serve humanity."

“everyone arrives at sinai as one person with one heart. Not that anyone is more educated or spiritual, everyone matters”

“Oh, it’s simple. Pantheism = god is bread. Panentheism = god is more like an empanada. 🙂”

““If you read a cookbook and it doesn’t have recipes, you will feel trolled & scammed”

"The genre of sermons is 3 genres in a trenchcoat"

"I've said it many times: rabbis are like orange juice. Many are lots of pulpit, many are some pulpit, and many are no pulpit."

"I thought I'd be a rabbi -- and then I became a clown and a teacher. And it was similar."

“Only you can know if your box is correctly placed.”

“Goddlers.”

“Gender, allegedly. Capitalism, unfortunately.”

"It's ToVu VaVoHU in HEERRRE"

"Having a baby DOES open the godhole yes quite literally"

"she's icky and gross and wanders around with collection cups"

“it is fairly agreed upon although…Jews”

“My dog once stole my lulav and shook it”

“We can’t do barbecue Judaism anymore because the temple doesn’t exist anymore.”

“Oh that Shmuel, he’s a spicy pepper!”

“I like big Tannaim and I cannot lie.”

“We love to just take the name of a book and turn it into the name of another book.”

“The religious right? More like the religious WRONG, amIrite?”

“We can’t rest when someone is under the rubble.”

“Judaism is just straight-up a pun religion.”

“next time someone says they’re tired, i’m going to presume it’s because they’re murdering people”

"Kiss me like you kiss your Jewish kings of the Torah."

“It was only a kiss, how did we end up like this?”

“Internalised anti-vampirism”

“now my stomach is empty and they're hitting the deck and [sometime later] it's all in my head but he's biting my --"

“Get your whole neshama wet”

“We didn't have royal polycule on our bingo card... and I do think it's an oversight!”

“All these little old ladies are my homies”

“Adam is top of the food-chain of beauty.”

“Gambling is a tax on people who are bad at math.”

“#notallgamblers”

“I don’t suffer witches, I enjoy them.”

“No more countin’ dollars, we’ll be countin’ stars.”

“I grew up in Chabad, and like Breslov, it teaches that we have to be our own Tzadik.”

“As my dad used to say, better half-assed than no-assed at all.”

“I needed an extra soul every day for a nightmare week so I did shabbat blessings every day for a week”

“Out: Bad Jews. In: Bad-Ass Jews.”

“Last night around 1 am we decided that pizza was torah.”

“Ezekiel saw…the giant rotating pizzas covered in pepperoni.”

“That’s not a mid drash. It’s a peak drash.”

“the school of Shammai (“jif”) and the school of Hillel (“gif”, correct)"

“Djinn and Tanach.”

“Metamodernism, and it has nothing to do with Facebook.”

“Is this good, or a gold, spray-painted turd?”

“‘what is this a sacrifice for ants?!’ -- god or whatever"

"the center for Jews who can't read good and want to do other stuff good too"

“Yasher Koach on your tablet-smashing, Moses”

"Rashi has really long arms with all the Reaches he makes"

"Patriarchy Pinata is my new band name."

“Smash the idea of an invalid conversion”

“You’re now my destruction Rebbe.”

“We should make a tradition for conversion that includes giving someone a pen or other ways of creating torah. Now you get to put in your two cents! We all do.”

“new Batman fanfic: The Dark Knights of the Neshama”

“Tran-iversary.”

“I wasn't becoming a new person, I was becoming a more complete version of the person I already was"

“too many fingers AI generated Adam 🫠"

“60 is the letter samech being surrounded by the arms of the shekhinah”

“welcome angels cocks gun now get out”

“I’m now more Shavuot than man.”

“I was a 6 pound 10 oz ball of silliness that day at Columbia Hospital”

“Here's to silliness. We'll never have a ShavuotLIVE without it, because why bother?”

“The name of the town is bigger than the town.”